About Grindr, Maygays & Writing In Whore’scode

Hey guys, guess who’s back in the house?

Sassy Sebastian, reporting bback for duty! Uhhh and how dutiful I’ve felt this last weekend, whew. I mean, I didn’t expect anything special of it, since the weekends before were packed like craycray with gay festivities such as Lifeball and Europride. But when I sensed my prostate pulsating, sending out high frequency sexual Maygays in whore’scode (peeeeeep, p.r.e.p, p.r.e.p, p.r.e.p, peeeeeeeep, peeeeeep, p.r.e.p) and my ding-a-ling reared its beautiful head, I immediately knew what had to be done. So I downloaded Grindr, there you go. I’ll right out admit it. I’m not above it, although I’ve always had my issues with it (some people would say I have issues with almost everybody & everything, but I guess that’s none of your business, right?). Anyway, after meticulously choosing my most handsome and sassxy pics (Gasp, so many! God I’m gorgeous ?) and filling in my profile like the menzzz were supposed to fill me in later, I basically got message-bombed by everybody and their dad. Jeez guys, get a grip, focus and and don’t go overboard with the dickpics, especially if they are kinda distasteful and gross. Ewww… But hey, A for Effort! ?

My headline was carefully chosen – ?4?? (that splash of water means sweat, right?), then I added a few more infos about yours truly, Bitchy Basti, et voila: picture perfect profile!

While minutes turned into hours, I had already sent home a guy before he could even enter any part of me or my apartment (his pictures were soooo 2000&late) and had weeded out the masses of fake profiles, time wasters, worker bees and married guys who just needed a distraction from their husband, wife or life. I visited a penthouse party with a variety of hot to fugly guys partying and playing around (mostly on their phones) and enjoyed some good times there until the host kicked me out for stealing… The show ?

I took a few delicious creampies before I went home (he had good catering and chilled, kinda bitter lemon-shots?), and decided to “fight for this love” “one last time”, alone and ready to bone. My sphincter skipped a beat when I found the man of my sexdreams, visit latinxxl top.

Oy papi that guy didn’t waste a second, I’m guessing he was doing the local hop-on hop-off tour, leaving that macho leche in every fruity container of his choosing. He was in my room and me on his broom within veinte minutos, and of course, gone with the wind faster than I could memorize his name.

Which in turn filled me with sadness and left me empty, wondering: was finding real love, sexual chemistry and a best friend all in one person really almost impossible? While salty tears ran down my bitchslapped face and nourished the small marks he had left me as a souvenir, I decided to delete all the sexdriven apps and focus on finding somebody wholesome instead of whoring around and another moresome.

I even put my tickets for Madrid Pride up for sale, cause I couldn’t handle another potential long distance relationship, and I’m sure that’s what my brain would’ve led me to find there.

So I confirmed a relaxed dinner date with a viennese local for saturday night, fingers crossed, hoping for the best…

Bye guys, happy weekend!
Sassy Sebastian

To be cuntinued…